“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.’”
—John 14:6

Reflection

I had an unusual fear of dying as a young boy. It was not something that gripped me daily or that I thought about all the time, but in retrospect my fears surrounding death went beyond the norm for someone my age.

During Safety Awareness Week at my elementary school, each student was supposed to create a poster emphasizing some theme concerning safety. Most of my classmates focused on things such as looking both ways before crossing a street or not playing with matches. But not me. I drew a medicine cabinet with a pill bottle marked “POISON,” complete with an ominous skull and crossbones.

The truth was that I was afraid I would get poisoned somehow. I even worried about using our mercury thermometer for fear that I would accidentally drop it and the mercury would get into my mouth and instantly kill me. It was an absurd thought, yet in my head it was as real as death itself.

As time went on, a new fear began to invade my life. It had to do with feeling lost and purposeless. I was only twenty years old, but I felt as if I was experiencing an identity crisis. I was desperately looking for meaning in my life.

Until then I had built my adolescent life around wrestling. It had been my source of success and identity. But somewhere along the way, reality hit me harder than an opponent throwing me face-first to the mat. I realized the world was bigger than my weight class. Wrestling could only take me so far in life. I needed something else to give me purpose.

I thought about becoming a doctor, then a lawyer. But something deeper gnawed at me. I was looking for a more permanent solution than just the right career choice.

That is when I discovered a book called Autobiography of a Yogi. I will never forget reading its pages and feeling as if I was being lifted far above the everyday concerns of life. The author wrote about having a personal relationship with a deity and finding inner peace through meditation. Whatever I thought he had, I knew I wanted it more than I wanted to make money or have a successful career.

I was well on my way to seeking inner peace through yoga and meditation when Jesus showed up.

In 1978, I was suddenly awakened from my sleep one night and saw Yeshua in a vision. He was hanging on the cross, and though He did not say anything to me, I will never be able to shake the deep imprint His presence left on my soul and spirit.

I instantly knew that Jesus was the answer I had been searching for all along.

Application

• Consider where you have been looking for your identity, purpose, or inner peace. Are you seeking fulfillment in something that can only take you so far?
• Bring your deepest fears and questions to Yeshua, recognizing that He is the way, the truth, and the life.

Prayer

Father, thank You for revealing Yourself through Yeshua. Forgive me for the times I have looked to worldly success or other things to give me meaning and fulfillment. You know the deepest fears and longings of my heart. Draw me into a personal relationship with You that brings true peace and purpose. Let the reality of Jesus leave a lasting imprint upon my soul and spirit. In Yeshua’s name, amen.